The Sound of Success: Part 2
Updated: Dec 7, 2018
What I was feeling was really quite different to what I wanted to hear.
I became aware that something wasn’t right. I was too anxious and stressed for everything to be hunky dory.
I started with quick fixes; moving house, changing jobs, picking up a hobby. If I could shift the pieces around me, then I could feel better and crack on.
Of course, it was simply papering over the cracks.
With a grim inevitability, I realised the real problem was how I felt about myself.
I started practicing mindfulness and yoga. The results were somewhat alarming.
I discovered that I didn’t like myself. And to cover that fact up, I was doing whatever I could to get praise and be seen to be successful. Advertising was a wonderful career to lose myself completely in; there were no limits to hours or weekend work. I wanted to sound a hard-working success, because no matter what I did, I didn’t feel like one.
And whilst discovering you don’t like yourself sounds like a bit of a downer, it was an absolute liberation. Because now I could do something about it.
I’d been losing myself in the work. My work/ life balance was absolutely shot.
The truth I had hidden from for so long was what gave me the feeling of freedom. John Whitmore says “I am able to control only that which I am aware of. That which I am unaware of controls me. Awareness empowers me.” And he was right on the money.
I felt the first tentative signs of control.